Joke of the day.

[DockRat]

DO YOU HAVE A JOKE ?



The Farmer and The Swimming Hole Story



An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a three young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned

'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

[DEVOREFLYER]

An older woman applies for a job at a toy factory to make a few extra dollars for the holidays.

The manager agrees to give her a try and puts her at a task at the end of the line on a long conveyor belt where each person in front of her adds a piece to creating the "Tickle Me Elmo" doll.

The manager explains her duty and goes back to his office.

Twenty minutes later he looks up and the belt is stopped and the dolls are piled up all over. He see's the other workers all standing around talking and he says, "Come on people, this is a popular toy, we need to get them out in time for Christmas!".

One of the workers replies, "We can't go any faster, that new hire you have at the end can't keep up!"

Sure enough, the manager looks down the belt and there is the old woman, sitting on a stool he pulled up and a pile of dolls on the belt and on either side of her in two, four foot piles of dolls.

As he approaches her he see's she has her reading glasses resting on the end of her nose, with a Tickle Me Elmo doll turned upside down and she is just sewing away on it.

He then explains to her, "No you didn't hear me right...

I told you to give each one "two test tickles!"

[DEVOREFLYER]

Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the four service men failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street.

They were hit by the truck and killed instantly. Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty.


So, the four servicemen asked him, "Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?" Saint Peter replied, "I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."

Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. The four servicemen asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder.

In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:

Memorandum From The Desk Of The ALMIGHTY ONE
TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best

1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.

2. Each serves America well and with distinction.

3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.

4. Always be proud of that.

Warm regards,
GOD
USMC (Retired)

[DEVOREFLYER]

First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins......