US Divorce agreement

[hughpam]

Someone sent me this today...it sounds good to me!!!!


Divorce Agreement:

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE
IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR
HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together
since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has
made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for
many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences
and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should
be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,
homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey
moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC
and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault we'll
help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but
we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take
every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right


We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach
the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up
poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our
history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of
us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,

John J. Wall Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you

[Atlaua]

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.

Agreed - make sure your half includes Yucca mountain, various locations where industrial runoff collects, and the nation's Superfund sites.

[Atlaua]

Oh, and the flyover states, as well as any city hosting Southeastern Conference teams.

[Ronira]

Same old republican propaganda sewage. Lies and half truths twisted into political bulls#@* with the hope it will be taken as intelligent truth. Every time the republicans lose this is how they handle it. Garbage

[DarkShadow]

Dear American Right Wing "Conservatives", Religious Extremists, Bush / McCain Supporters, only say NO Republicans, Social Bigots, et al,

Oh, sure NOW you want a divorce after turning all our friends against us, destroying the "house", AND running up the credit cards to an all time high.


Regards,

Your Significant Other

[City Dad]

Dear American Right Wing "Conservatives", Religious Extremists, Bush / McCain Supporters, only say NO Republicans, Social Bigots, et al,

Oh, sure NOW you want a divorce after turning all our friends against us, destroying the "house", AND running up the credit cards to an all time high.


Regards,

Your Significant Other

:ROFL: ... but seriously, DS, you're letting the terrorists win...

Wonder who in this arangement gets custody of the deeply closeted conservative homosexuals...

I get a lot of conservative witticisms via email from folks I've kept in touch with over the years. One person who regularly sends me little nuggets like the one above is a fellah who was a teacher of mine in highschool. Mr. Scarburough was from Georgia and he made certain to explain to anyone who would listen that the South actually won the Civil War... or, as he put it "The war Between the Yankees and the Americans." I always found the little fantasy world he lived in rather quaint and amusing... a little corner of 1860 that never changed - that stayed true to real American ideals... neato!

[Scoring Machine]

Anyone that thinks all liberals don't like guns will have a rude awakening when they try and serve us divorce papers. :Big Grin:

Some liberals are also pro death penalty... especially for war criminals.

But if it's truly not going to work... most of the assets are easily divided...

You can have Big & Rich, Brooks & Dunn, Creed, and the rest of Christian Rock.... we'll keep Jazz, Rock and Hip Hop.

You can keep competing against the 3rd world for low level manufacturing jobs... we'll keep the tech jobs

You can keep Dollywood.... we'll keep Broadway and Hollywood

You can keep Jeff Foxworthy and Larry The Cable Guy.... we'll keep Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle and Bill Maher.

We'll keep being a responsible member of the world community, you can keep on using selective intelligence to pick fights with dictators

We'll keep our civil rights, you can burn the constitution (not literally the real one, I don't want to confuse any Red Stater) for all I care once we're divorced

We'll keep our honor, you can keep torturing people

We'll take our troops back, you can stay in Iraq as long as you want

We'll keep most of the major centers of higher education, you can keep teaching the bible in science class (Jesus was a fisherman and a carpenter, not a chemist)

And finally, and most importantly, we will keep our $$$$.

When you look at the ratio of dollars received from the federal government compared to dollars paid to government in taxes, you quickly realize that Blue States pay for the Red States.

What states get the least for what they contribute, actually contributing more to the Feds than they get back in spending?

California
New York
Minnesota
Conn
Illinois
Mass
Michigan
Jersey
New Hampshire
Delaware
Washington
Wisconsin
Colorado
Nevada

What States get more from the Feds than they contribute, AKA Wellfare States?

Other than Blue State New Mexico?

The rest of the states are:

Alaska (Palin)
Louisiana (Jindal)
Mississippi
West Virginia
Alabama
North Dakota
Kentucky
Montana
Virginia

Go ahead and leave us, but you're going to need a new Sugar Daddy!

P.S. - Feel free to take Joe The Plumber (not to be confused with Joeman The Plumber, he's free to live in either country).

[City Dad]

Anyone that thinks all liberals don't like guns will have a rude awakening when they try and serve us divorce papers. :Big Grin:

Some liberals are also pro death penalty... especially for war criminals.

But if it's truly not going to work... most of the assets are easily divided...

You can have Big & Rich, Brooks & Dunn, Creed, and the rest of Christian Rock.... we'll keep Jazz, Rock and Hip Hop.

You can keep competing against the 3rd world for low level manufacturing jobs... we'll keep the tech jobs

You can keep Dollywood.... we'll keep Broadway and Hollywood

You can keep Jeff Foxworthy and Larry The Cable Guy.... we'll keep Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle and Bill Maher.

We'll keep being a responsible member of the world community, you can keep on using selective intelligence to pick fights with dictators

We'll keep our civil rights, you can burn the constitution (not literally the real one, I don't want to confuse any Red Stater) for all I care once we're divorced

We'll keep our honor, you can keep torturing people

We'll take our troops back, you can stay in Iraq as long as you want

We'll keep most of the major centers of higher education, you can keep teaching the bible in science class (Jesus was a fisherman and a carpenter, not a chemist)

And finally, and most importantly, we will keep our $$$$.

When you look at the ratio of dollars received from the federal government compared to dollars paid to government in taxes, you quickly realize that Blue States pay for the Red States.

What states get the least for what they contribute, actually contributing more to the Feds than they get back in spending?

California
New York
Minnesota
Conn
Illinois
Mass
Michigan
Jersey
New Hampshire
Delaware
Washington
Wisconsin
Colorado
Nevada

What States get more from the Feds than they contribute, AKA Wellfare States?

Other than Blue State New Mexico?

The rest of the states are:

Alaska (Palin)
Louisiana (Jindal)
Mississippi
West Virginia
Alabama
North Dakota
Kentucky
Montana
Virginia

Go ahead and leave us, but you're going to need a new Sugar Daddy!

P.S. - Feel free to take Joe The Plumber (not to be confused with Joeman The Plumber, he's free to live in either country).

:ROFL:

I would love to see a response to this post that could explain why the red states are so full of lazy, free-loading, blood-suckers ;)

Well, I gotta get back to work. Gotta make that money to support the conservative states...:ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL ::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:: ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:

[farleyd]

You guys crack me up Dem's and Repub's your both so deep in the pockets of special interest 's and big business that you can not see past the blinders they have on you. B.O. said he will not go along
with special interest and Big Business. We will see. I have a hard time believing that B.O. came from the political sewer that is Chicago and has no stink on his shoes. I guess time will tell.

Just an independent thought

[joe man]

Anyone that thinks all liberals don't like guns will have a rude awakening when they try and serve us divorce papers. :Big Grin:

Some liberals are also pro death penalty... especially for war criminals.

But if it's truly not going to work... most of the assets are easily divided...

You can have Big & Rich, Brooks & Dunn, Creed, and the rest of Christian Rock.... we'll keep Jazz, Rock and Hip Hop.

You can keep competing against the 3rd world for low level manufacturing jobs... we'll keep the tech jobs

You can keep Dollywood.... we'll keep Broadway and Hollywood

You can keep Jeff Foxworthy and Larry The Cable Guy.... we'll keep Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle and Bill Maher.

We'll keep being a responsible member of the world community, you can keep on using selective intelligence to pick fights with dictators

We'll keep our civil rights, you can burn the constitution (not literally the real one, I don't want to confuse any Red Stater) for all I care once we're divorced

We'll keep our honor, you can keep torturing people

We'll take our troops back, you can stay in Iraq as long as you want

We'll keep most of the major centers of higher education, you can keep teaching the bible in science class (Jesus was a fisherman and a carpenter, not a chemist)

And finally, and most importantly, we will keep our $$$$.

When you look at the ratio of dollars received from the federal government compared to dollars paid to government in taxes, you quickly realize that Blue States pay for the Red States.

What states get the least for what they contribute, actually contributing more to the Feds than they get back in spending?

California
New York
Minnesota
Conn
Illinois
Mass
Michigan
Jersey
New Hampshire
Delaware
Washington
Wisconsin
Colorado
Nevada

What States get more from the Feds than they contribute, AKA Wellfare States?

Other than Blue State New Mexico?

The rest of the states are:

Alaska (Palin)
Louisiana (Jindal)
Mississippi
West Virginia
Alabama
North Dakota
Kentucky
Montana
Virginia

Go ahead and leave us, but you're going to need a new Sugar Daddy!

P.S. - Feel free to take Joe The Plumber (not to be confused with Joeman The Plumber, he's free to live in either country).


SM I am a conservative that can agree with a few of your points here. I do find it hard to believe that you think the liberals are the ones who uphold the constitution and act responsible on the world stage. The constitution does not give the government the power to redistribute wealth as our founders based the Constitution on the belief of private property rights. I also think history shows that appeasment has only resulted in millions of deaths (see Hitler rise to power as a good example). Both of our power players (Dems and REpubs) are guilty of exceding their constitutional powers but in my view the Democrats/ Liberals have been far worse. Our current administration is giving 600 million to the Palenstinian Authority and another 300 million to rebuild Gaza. Has the Palenstinian Authority now or ever done anything to help in helping the US? Why are we trying to buy friends? It did not work in Saudi as 911 proved and it will not help in Gaza. Sometimes the hardest choice is the right one.

It is time to end political parties and vote for the best person.

[hughpam]

I meant it to be light hearted, but with some elements of truth. If any of you believe everything you read in an e-mail, you wrote it! I didn't. Lighten up and try to actually be inclusive like you claim to be.

I agreed with some of it, but not all. I agreed with some of what Scoring machine wrote and not all. I do agree that we can all laugh at things. Except BO. He's a sacred cow. We can't laugh at him.

What a stinking mess!